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Bane of my life

2011-12-20T21:41:00.000+08:00

I hate MONEY.
yes i do hate them.
They are like the bane of my life.
Every single shit typically EVOLVES around it.
And everytime i cry because of it.

Financial stuffs are driving me to the wall literally.
And yes, all the fun i should be having at this age is a big XXXXXXXXXX cause of money.
i hate you money, i hate you very much.

i might be facing a difficult time, however some might be even worse than me

2011-11-26T15:31:00.000+08:00

I guess i have to keep that sentence with me all the time.
My mum is stressed out worrying shitloads about financial stuffs.
And i think right now is a time for me to really grow up, and stop worrying them.

i compare myself with aunties selling tissue papers and picking cardboards.
i'm more lucky.
i have to learn to be contented.
i need to grasp my own life, and stop my closest people for worrying about me.
and the only way i have to do it... is being mum about all my stuffs and solve it myself.
i want people to stop worrying about me.

who do you think you are?

2011-11-21T22:28:00.000+08:00

what makes people depressed.

what makes people lose faith.

what makes people cry.

are what that makes people strong.

people need dreams to live.

people need dreams to hope.

people live in order to dream.

people hope to get what they dream.

what determines you?

what makes you to be you?

how would you be working on your life with stones keep falling down from the sky?

All these pushes you to be stronger.

To be a better you.

Again.

2011-10-12T22:46:00.000+08:00

i'm affected easily.
i think i'm getting mild depression.
Eversince saturday... i've been breaking down.
i'm pretty much crumbling to pieces.

Work, music, friends, parents have been holding me up together.
People i talk to with regards on my situation, i really feel grateful for them.
Home for me is like a dumping ground.
I throw up all my feelings in my room, in my house.
Especially right now.
I feel that there is a certain atmosphere that really makes me wanna cry.
Sometimes i look at my parents, looking at how hard they are working, it really makes me sad.
and sometimes, like my parents... i'm tired of life too.

Today is my lunar birthday.
My mum told me not to cry.
I'm sorry. I can't help it.

I am back.

2011-09-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

My last post was 2010 man.
Can't believe that i was actually in tumblr (where i didn't touch much as well).. and now back to blogger.

It's not end of the year yet.
But i feel like i'm like doing a conclusion of it.

This year, i won't say that it's better than last yr....
I quit my job at NDC as a research assistant.
Went to pursue what i want to do.
Got into MTVasia as a contract freelance which is similar to an intern job.
Ended my contract and went for a two weeks holiday in kangaroo land.
Came back, got a job for 2 days and i quit.
Then hopped into a temp job for a month.

I wanna stop everything and get a stable job man!
It just feels like as though i'm not learning anything. (Although i did, in some ways)
Probably just not enough to keep me satisfied and say yum yum.
Right now i really hope i get the job, learn the stuffs.
This will in turn make my life, my year more fulfilling.

But i'm really thankful, i've met really nice people along my way.

bless me along my way of life.

Realization?

2010-12-26T17:54:00.000+08:00

I'm amazed how life bring us to.
Really.
People having a family,
People who're married.

Haha. I'm still sitting here, typing all these...will be doing my work pretty soon.

This just makes me feels like everyone is very different.
Some will want to accomplish dreams.
Some just want to get married and start a family.
Some just want to be single.
Some thinks that it's time to get attached.
I don't know why.
I just felt amazed with life.
How it brings everyone to...
Probably it's a suddenly realization of it.

ok, i'm getting back to work.
i spent christmas with work as well.
i might as well marry you.

i miss schooling

2010-12-12T21:21:00.000+08:00

For that title.
i meant schooling as a full time. Not a part time basis.
Working sucks.
Especially when you don't adore what you're doing...

I miss being a kid already, yet sometimes i want people to see me as mature.
Contradictions. Yes i know. But..... somethings... they're just so difficult to be spoke out.
I love my night owl life last time.
I love staying up late doing projects and all.
I hate demanding people, they suck all of your blood and expects more every single time.
And the thing about them? They take things for granted.
I swear.

I hate what i do so much now.
Everyday is like waking up... thinking what in the world needs to be done today.
Rush Rush Rush. Go class/ go home.. eat.. sleep
ok next day.. think again. rush again. home again.
WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THE SAME BLOODY ROUTINE??
I feel like i'm not enjoying life... and more of living life with fear?
do i get paid to feel that way? if so....
i'd rather quit.
i miss myself back to life.
i hate the current routine.
Bring me to a new place. Please. Someone.

Ending it.

2010-11-27T01:12:00.000+08:00

I went, i heard, and i talked.

Come to think about it....
i actually like interacting with people.

I like looking at passerby's faces, styles and all sorts....
but it's just kind of creepy with ppl staring at you... and just that sometimes....
i don't have the guts. haha

And... bad news.
My stomach is giving me a lot of problems these days....
it's producing too much gas, and i vomited just now.
i should end coffee and tea.... but spicy foods...... i don't think i can end you :(
ok. i think i should turn in.

i'm moody now.

2010-11-21T21:46:00.000+08:00

cause tomorrow is monday.
i think at some point of time, i start to dread some stuffs.
And this time round, i think it came faster than last year's attachment.

i get affected by my surroundings easily.
i think i suck.

i always don't have this determination or something.
And probably that explains the reason i want to go study full-time badly.

There's always this bad habit in me.
When i start to hate some stuffs, i really dread it like crazy.
I grumble a lot.
Start to blame, why did i do this, why did i get this.
It all goes back into the past and blah blah blah.

Things are never easy.
But i doing things that you never enjoy seemed far worse off.

Right now, i just can't imagine doing this for the rest of my life.
I'm probably more like a like-to-have-fun-person.
I love being nonsensical.

That's why i always say... i hate routine lives.

Probably.

2010-11-21T03:28:00.000+08:00

I don't know why.
But i always get lost, in my world.
At a loss of what i should do.

I'm going blind.

2010-11-17T23:12:00.000+08:00

Mixing makes me go 0.0

my point of time

2010-10-09T22:24:00.000+08:00

i've learnt tonnes of things during deployment.
i see smiles,
i've seen sorrow and grief,
i've seen anxiety,
i've seen LOVE.

The love of wife and husband.
The love of family members.
The love of son and mother.
The love of mother and daughter.
The support of friends.

It just brings everyone together.
The words that people spoke, sometimes makes me wanna cry, some make me smile.
The support that was given, the amount of words to bring courage to people.
The fright i've gotten can't be what the family members have suffered.

I passed my week with an emotional roller coaster ride.
Probably not this week, but the previous ones.
But all these had taught me to control, keep calm, and probably break down at home.
The amount of stress i had to deal with is not alone.
Others might even have it worse than me.
But, i'll keep learning.. life.

Emotions are probably the satisfaction that keep people alive.

2010-10-03T17:41:00.000+08:00

i think i'm so tired of friendship.
friends.
i feel like no one actually understands me.
i just wanna leave
communication is somewhat a problem for me now.

2010-10-02T15:48:00.000+08:00

one reason why i feel sometimes when i need help, i don't call for it.
cause people will never understand.
i think i will keep my problems, emotionally wise, to myself.
i know i bottle things up.
cause no one just understands what am i actually thinking.

Future prospects. fuck you indeed.

2010-09-12T20:44:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, i know some things we just have to accept it.
But you know what...
it's worse when people around you aren't supportive of it.
They keep nagging about the same thing over and over again, until it's right up to your head and you just accept things in favor of them. (but you know what stuffs that came out from your mouth that moment in time wasn't supposed to be taken for real)

Come to think about it..
Is science really have that much prospects?
I know it definitely have more than music production does.
But now,
parents will always say... go for a stable rice bowl.
Going for something of your interest doesn't feeds you.
Even if you go study for it, will you even find a job?

Don't you just feel like you're living for what people wants you to do?
This just rings my memory. My friend who had told me before
"this is your life, get hold of what you want to do, not others"
But the amount of hope, the amount of talking ppl wants you to do is absolutely crazy or irritating i would say. Not to say, stress as well.
Things you be different if your parents are rich.
Cause if you're not in a rich family, your parents will want you to be.
This sucks.
probably i really need to go to the other side to get my grass.

sometimes... just fuck life if living was so crappy.
So what, we live to study? get a stable job, get fucked and get babies and happily ever after?
seriously, wtf.

contemplate

2010-09-08T23:44:00.001+08:00

Actually, i don't know what to say.

Or rather, i don't know how to express myself...

The things i see, the things i currently work with.

I see, i talk to people of special conditions.

Their views about being pessimistic, being optimistic in life.

In the beginning, i thought it would be an experience...

Now, i'm a bit regretful.

The more i see, the more depressed i get whenever talks of life, difficulty, sadness, anxiety and all hanging around the minds of many.

Yes, i'm actually very sensitive.

i'm actually the kind of person who have low-self esteem since young.

I cry whenever sometime tinges my heart, including a recall of the past.

It really breaks my heart to say, to smile and to assure.

Adding on to it, it's when the other person, smiles at you, trusts you, believe very much in you.

i'm not saying that i'm lying to a person or what sort.

it's just that... can you understand the feeling of people undergoing some pain, but looks at you and smiles?

yes. that's the exact feeling i'm getting.

And it just hurts me to see it.

Words can comfort, can assure people at that state of mind in that time....

but when imagination runs wild, nightmares come back to hunt again.

That's where willpower needs to hold on to you, and stop waving that persistence you had.

i probably don't have that mentality to forget, and not to think about stuffs that are not concerning me in a way.

There are 2 choices i can make:

- say it out, ask for request.

- remain quiet and hold on for 2 or more weeks.

i swear, i've never thought it was this difficult till today.

i think, i'm just not strong enough.

my smiles are just assurance to the other, but internally... i'm actually affected.

a facade to put on, to stop worrying the other.

that's the most comforting thing i think it's best for the other.

Another thing in mind...
i discussed stuffs with my mum.
She rejected strongly to what i have in mind.
ok, my plan was this:
i wanted to stop talking my examinations for violin after next yr.
Wanted to explore probably jazz and most importantly... i think i really need to brush up on my playing.
i think i sucked shit.
i hate thinking about rushing and rushing for examinations... going through the whole stuffs and new add-ons that i'm required to do.
In addition, i don't like scales.
i'm the kind of person who seriously suck badly at memorizing and yes, and sadly.... probably practising as well.
Yeah. i know i suck. That's why i said i need more time.
I know time will be absorbed very much away from me when certain things start... but at this moment in time, at this point of life. I felt that i very much needed to do this.
I don't know what to do anymore.

how i wished at this point of time, you could msg me or call me.
i would... if i didn't lose everyone's number.
once again... i think i'll probably not do it.

Yesterday's wednesday

2010-09-02T23:36:00.000+08:00

i was too tired out that i'm like drunk on dead energy.
no alcohol involved.
I think this will happen to most people.

My gross jokes to disgust people having their dinner.
With karma getting back at me and re-bouncing back to the one that tried... too hard.
HAHAHAHA.

call me master, quick

I suck

2010-09-02T22:30:00.002+08:00

my pronunciation sucks.

my english sucks.

my mandarin sucks too.

my japanese sucked.

my languages sucked....

:c i can't be more sad than this

2010-08-31T23:42:00.001+08:00

i deleted my twitter account by accident.
Ok, blame it on me. i didn't read it carefully.
now it's all gone.......... :c :c

Anyway, so does my freedom flies away.
It ends today.
i'm supposed to be in bed right now.
Have to report for work at 830am tmr.

HOLY COW ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why is the weather so hot?

2010-08-24T14:30:00.000+08:00

I'm in my room.
With my fan behind me.
And.... it's still warm, or rather.... my surroundings are warm.

and yes.... i don't have air-con in my room.
Probably one of those few who lives in Singapore and doesn't have an air-con.
Actually, i have friends who does not have air-con in their room either.. probably friend, no "s".

Ok, i'm kinda bored when i'm supposed to be doing up my stuffs.....
this is bad.

random

Probably random thoughts?

2010-08-22T15:14:00.000+08:00

Doesn't everyone tries to run before walking?
Does picking up after a fall makes you stronger, or just makes you wanna avoid similar situations?
Do you understand yourself very well?

i feel like i'm a contradiction.
i hate stuffs that i like.
see, isn't it contradicting already?
Friends that you might hate and love them at the same time.
Situations in you felt like you're being used, and kicked aside after a new toy comes or the old one got fixed.

Mixed feelings.
Sometimes i just don't know how to express them out.
It's really better to dream.
Cause reality is practical, and uncontrollable.
Things just don't go the way things are planned or seemed.
My freedom is limited to 9 days.
Yeah... i'm gonna start work next month.
This is probably life.
The cut of slacking and start of being hardworking.
I need things going on.

i've lost an identity

2010-08-18T23:27:00.003+08:00

i'm lost.

i think i just lost myself.

i've lost my identity.

what's wrong with me

2010-08-14T22:59:00.000+08:00

i feel like i'm not talking much anymore.
i don't understand why.
recently, i'm just pretty mood-less.
living in a blank mind.
it's like i'm in a foreign mindset.
days that i feel like my laughter seemed fake.
what's exactly wrong with me?
should i just cry to gain emotions back to me?

it's inspiring.

2010-08-12T01:08:00.000+08:00

Reading is an inspiration.
Right now, i actually meant reading blogs.
Haha. i don't really have an interest for books.
But once in awhile i do.

I don't know why, but it just keeps me thinking.
What i want to do,
What i have to do,
What should i do.

Today, it's just kind of a quiet day for me.
I don't know why too...
It's like i'm just mood less, or just thinking.
People's expression of words,
feelings and thoughts that went through that writing.
What is he/she trying to express.
The message that was brought about.
Agreeing with things said.

It just made me think.
ok, now i think i should get some stuffs done.

5 things you don't know about your phone.

2010-08-08T18:02:00.002+08:00

FIRST
Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find Yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an Emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to Establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.
SECOND
Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys In the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot From your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other ’ remote ’ for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor ’ s Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone! ‘
THIRD
Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell phone next time.
FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone’s serial number, key in the following Digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.
If your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won’t get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can’t use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.
And Finally……
FIFTH
Free Directory Service for Cells
Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don’t have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800)FREE411, or(800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

a great and a not-so-great yesterday

2010-08-06T16:26:00.000+08:00

Ok, let me talk about wednesday before thursday first.

I realised i totally screwed up gerald's exam.

Really... next time i must read questions with BIG EYES.

After that, i went clubbing :D

We migrated from supperclub to powerhouse cause there's just too little people there...

and you know what...

A fight broke out in powerhouse, oh wait.

Not just a fight.. it was rather continuous with people not happy with each other and the girlfriend of one another still not happy and blah blah blah blah. Yeah. you'll know how it goes.

It's just childish.

Ok, going on to yesterday.

GOOD NEWS.

I'M FINE :D

it's not a tumor or cancer or anything.

i've been discharged from my doctor!

It's super scary when she took a long time looking at the film, turning it here and there.

All her actions are like making me scared.

My thoughts are like "die la, die la. what if really got something...."

Then she turned around, smile. " Don't worry, you're fine :D"

YAY.

BAD NEWS.

i had food poisoning last night.

Dinner seemed nice, but i guess those who ate the crepe last night had problems, including me.

It started off with my legs feeling rather weak on the bus. Went home and the 1st round began: Diarrhea followed on by vomiting.

Then after a short while, the 2nd round came: Diarrhea with mostly fluids coming out and vomiting.

Now i'm at home, with a not-so-well stomach but no diarrhea and vomiting.

It's just uncomfortable.

I'll never go back to Marche again.

END.

did you just say services?

2010-08-04T13:49:00.000+08:00

I swear, this time round i super pissed with the negligence i have with SATA right now.

I wanted to get my x-ray film in soft copy for reference to my current one.

yes, there are some stuffs regarding to my health i need to clarify.

and firstly, the phone SATA officer told me i only have to wait for 1 to 2 hours to get my soft copy.

so i went down, and to realised that the customer service at AMK told me they have to take 2-3 days to dig it out, since it was a 2007 film.

Fine. So, i just took my medical report and left.

i took their words for granted, discussed some stuffs with my HR and decided to make an clinic appointment on thursday.

Since counting from last thursday or friday, it would have been around 2-3 or more days already right?

I didn't have any call in the morning.

i called them.

So, they said they'll have the customer service from AMK to call me.

and hey, i spoke on the phone at 11 + morning.

you tell me what time is it now.

i'm frigging pissed off.

i have no news... it just feels like i'm been hung halfway in the air.

tmr is my appointment.

i've yet to get my stuffs.

what is the 2-3 days you guys said?

isn't that irresponsibility?

Even if you are late, wouldn't a call to inform an appropriate action??

this is irritating.

i called at 11 plus, you guys closed at 5. and now you tell me what time it is already?

THIS IS SO SICKENING.

services?

crap.

it's just so hard to find someone to talk to.

2010-07-29T21:13:00.000+08:00

i hope they call up tmr. i want things clear asap.
many things are worrying. the more i read about stuffs, the more afraid i become.

should i just quit before i even start to move on?
even if so..... i still need to proceed on with the stuffs.
shit, this is so crap up.

quit or not.
part of my heart have already told me the answer.

it's been a while

2010-07-27T22:17:00.000+08:00

I've not touched this for quite sometime.
i'm probably back here cause i'm kinda sad.
Probably i'm just moody.
but the more you have nothing to do,
the more things you'll start to think about.

Life is getting not so smooth as i want it to be.
i just don't like troublesome stuffs.
that's maybe one of the reason why i'm feeling down?
I just hope the best for myself that i'll be fine.

i've always believed in going all the way to help someone.
but i've actually realised, not everybody thinks the same as you do.
it's just how sad some people can be.

i had a friend who just messaged me on the phone one day.
We chatting and i thought he was bored in camp.
"i don't know how it feels like to have friends"
This sentence just caught my attention.
i don't know if this is a joke from him or what.
but i just kinda feel sad.
And it just kinda came to me as well.

times i feel alone.
times when people are too busy for you.
times where you realised, actually..
times when you can't really speak to someone.
times where you wanna go out but there's no one.

this is sad.
a sad sad life.
things just happened the way where the trust word cannot be placed on everyone.
Helping out all the way just make like the person is a fool.
this is what the world is coming to.

need my own world?

2010-06-11T02:24:00.001+08:00

i'm finding people irritating these days.
need more time on my own. wait.
don't i have too much time with myself?
life is getting depressing.
i need to go out with my mp3 regularly.

motivate me for 1 one month please?

2010-06-10T22:29:00.002+08:00

please?

i'm just very much alone.

2010-06-03T23:46:00.000+08:00

to end studying full time kinda sucks.

it's just a brand new start whereby everyone just leads their own lives.

i'm always doing rotational stuffs, staying at home.

probably a new interest added: Glee

anyway, working with kids really can inspire you to do some stuffs.

Because you know they are better than you in some stuffs, the more you want to work better.

let's all do it.

they thought they knew

2010-05-28T22:27:00.001+08:00

they always thought they knew you.
they always thought they understand you.
but they don't trust you.

2010-05-27T23:40:00.001+08:00

i probably never knew you

i need a breakthrough

2010-05-25T18:18:00.002+08:00

drawing out a plan.
looking for investors.
looking for designers.

look what i did for the day.

2010-05-21T00:42:00.000+08:00

i woke up, feeling very frustrated after knowing the chicken that i packed yesterday night was eaten.

and things were thrown in the basin for me to wash.

Super irritated.

Totally hate it when things i want it for myself got taken and i have to clean up shit for it.

DAMN.

then in the afternoon. I left my half-eaten curry puff on the table.

and my mum finished it when i wanted to eat it.

see........ why everytime like that.................... very irritating one lehhhhhh.

i just don't like it when people take my foooooooood.

my cake was finished off as well. :(

anyway,. i suddenly felt like packing up my room....

did the wardrobe, and did up my softboard.

An idea suddenly came up for me to do the books.

my softboard

Adding on the basket to put my chargers inside. (easier to reach the power plug)

Look at my books :D

Super happy with it.

It's been so long ever since i've done art......... nice feeling :D

a very bored thursday afternoon

2010-05-06T16:44:00.000+08:00

i got so bored until i can cry.
online shopping isn't tempting me anymore.
i need both a job and a jog.
boredom can really drive you nuts at times.
it got me so powderful that i killed a mosquito with my leg by accident.
i didn't know until i "kyao ka". i thought i was bleeding by the sole of my leg.
but it didn't hurt... until i saw.... the smashed mosquito.
so poor thing. i didn't know my boredom-ness could kill others.

2010-05-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry for my harsh words for the previous blog.
i just can't seem to vent it anywhere besides here.
if i can't type anything here, where's my space? where can i pour out to?
if i bottle more things up, i swear.. there'll be a time of big breakdown for me again.

i'm sorry for my rashness,
i'm sorry for my words,
i'm sorry for being big headed.

but sometimes, it just seems like there's no one around you in times of help.
i hope you understand that.
that period of desperateness i'm going through.
don't deprive of my little space here.
sometimes, i need a release.
sorry.

i just hate it when ppl don't accompany me

2010-05-04T00:32:00.001+08:00

seriously. i was so fed up today in the afternoon.
Stop asking me to msg just because he msged me.
i'm having a fucking exam at 730.
and i don't want to fail to pay money to keith damnit.
i swear i was super annoyed.

2nd.

ok, i know it's my personality.
but i seriously hate it when i don't have ppl to accompany me to do some stuffs.
don't give me some sort of reason as far.
i don't know why. but i just hate it when some small stuffs like just accompanying me to do up my phone, you don't even want to accompany me to it.
ok. i'm being whiney here.
but wa lao.
am i asking for too much? am i asking for the impossible.
i seriously hate it.
it's just some small stuffs like accompany me to it............
i hate it when sometimes, i do not receive help from any.
like calls whenever i need help.
no one.

i swear.
i hate it.

and more thing.
i hate it when ppl keep pushing things on my way when i have many on my way.
i would like to say.
stop pushing your limits.
i have high level of tolerance.
but don't ever push it.

i totally abhor the fact when ppl say " i'm offering the help"
sorry. but i don't see any. everything just returns back to the start point.
so stop giving me bullshit.

and hell yeah. i should totally blog one post fully for posers.
i swear. you made my day the other time.
amused me totally

fed up

2010-04-24T23:20:00.000+08:00

firstly, i got fed up with my new phone.
secondly, i got fed up with i don't know if it's nonsense kind of rubbish.
i just don't get what the hell you're explaining that i think you're making excuse.
seriously... sometimes, it just doesn't pay to be kind.
all the bullshit you get from people.
i swear, it's freaking frustrating.
it's like i've been used.

memories

2010-04-04T23:03:00.001+08:00

felt super touched after watching this video my friend had created.
it felt nice after watching it.
those pictures contained of big memories to it.
i wanted to cry when i saw miki's picture.
he was a very nice friend.
and very touched. cause he was never forgotten.
those were the days that my weekends were often filled with laughter while working with them.
the days which we "chiong" together, have fun together.
it was really nice.

2010-03-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

i changed the position of my desk and bed today.
i think..... i can concentrate better with the desk near the window. ahhaha
light you see. light passes through.
but i'm scared when it rains, my laptop will be a goner.

and yes, if no science jobs accepts me.....
i just hope that the audio visual assistant that i applied accepts me.
and hahaha it's in NUH.
no matter what, it'll be an experience gain prior to studying for it as well.

like what i said... if after chalets, no phone calls, nothing at all..
i'm going for temp jobs.
see.... who says science is easy to look for jobs.

Ok, i think i'm going to start my rant of the whole holiday.
everything that i've been pretty grumpy about.

1) people's naive-ness somewhat pissed me off. Please, you are old enough to think. AND think thoroughly through your brain please. It just makes me feel that you're a bit air-headed and... probably a bit too much.
2) Hardcore gamers. Especially those anime anime audition kind of bullshit. i'm so sorry.... but yes, my brother is making me hate those kind of people. Cause it's like... you're forever thinking you are hmmmm.... yuki-san , aito-chan that kind of bullshit crap...... just stop living in your own world.
i mean.... it is fucking nice to put cartoon characters of you dancing on facebook? It just ain't cool.
3) I swear, people should just check out the economy before making decisions about everything. (assumptions, decisions). Cause sometimes, no matter what you say... these people are stubborn and will not listen to your crap story.
4) Ok, i don't like my instructor cause i think he's just another old man who needs someone to really fuck hard with him. He ogles at girls along the streets and blames me for my incompetency. FUCK YOU _l_
why do i even need a blardy instructor if i'm so capable? I'm not a genius in driving man. If i was a guy i could've just screwed you in the ass with pineapples dude.

ok, done with ranting.
i think i wanna change instructor

Why are things not working for me?

2010-03-23T23:46:00.000+08:00

Firstly, google chrome couldn't open blogger..... it just ends up loading non-stop in this textbox.
Secondly, an everyday-to-go website is kinda not working. YES, it's youtube.
IT'S NOT PLAYING THE VIDEOS AHHHH.
Thirdly, i hate online resume submission.
i swear i was cursing and on the vergeof bursting into pieces already.

yes... life have not been kind to me.
i haven got a job.
i am supposed to be studying, cause guys are just damn smarts with machines practically.
i'm having cramps.
i'm tired but i don't know what did i do the whole day. it just got wasted.
it's time to improve on my chinese.

On a happier note, yes.. i'm happy that my gpa increased. Although everyone increased as well.
haha. seee. who isn't happy about it?

If you can see this. Meiling, take care in Perth man. it seemed dangerous.
AND I CAN'T PLAY YOUTUBE VIDEOS
which is very frustrating. it seems like everyone in singapore can't.

ok, back to reading my notes.
yes.... you many many people out there are flying overseas.
why am i still stuck in the island?!

Life's dead.

2010-03-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

i'm rotting.
and i'm supposed to be studying.
not brushing my teeth with jack.

they've got nothing on you.
i'm in a class with 10 guys.
yes. i'm the only female.
am i great or what man?

if you have much time to kill like me,
go listen to paul mccartney's great day.
quite shiok for me though :D

and if 4 of us gets into b&j together...
even more shiok if all of us were in the same outlet.
and......
GIVE ME A FULL TIME JOB.
I NEED DA MONEYYYY GAWDDD

fangirl-ing

2010-03-13T23:53:00.001+08:00

I WANNA SEE MARK CHAO!
hahahahaha

2010-03-10T16:40:00.000+08:00

seriously.
i'm getting pissed with people that are somewhat brainless already.
it's the brainless attitude that pissed me off.
like what the fuck.
just THINK OK.
OMGAWD

afterlife

2010-02-21T11:08:00.001+08:00

my bones are stiff after lying on the lazy bed to do my report, and watching dramas.
i need to exercise.

i need ice skating, bowling, sentosa, volleyball, chalets, my drinking sessions, hang-out, virginal clubbling, pubbing, karaoke, seoul garden, korean bbq, steamboat.
shit. all these are making me fat.

wait, i have to get all my things done first.
first....
i need to go jogging.

hmmmmmmmmmm.
jerry yan is handsome HAHAHA

procrastination hits me once again.

2010-02-15T21:05:00.000+08:00

too long never practice, and when you start practising the feeling kinda sucks.

it's probably the migraine that is making me annoyed again.

i haven done my AES shit.

and my bloody report which i don't even feel like touching it.

oh gawd.

i just wanna sleep sleep sleep sleep

and gawd great i haven run.

i need to be shot dead.

CHINESE NEW YR

2010-02-15T11:43:00.000+08:00

my angbao collection money to date:
is one of the most amount collected.

buzz

2010-02-10T23:46:00.000+08:00

my headache is getting worse each day.
and it's very sickening to the fact that i can go dizzy at times.

i don't want to depend on painkillers shit.

somethings

2010-02-10T13:00:00.000+08:00

my random talkings:

i swear, people are always not available 3/4 of the time.

every thing has a limit.
my level of tolerance has stretches to it's limit that it's bound to snap anytime.

my stress level brought me to the highest of having a headache.
just fuck everything

there are things, i can't explain with words

i'll be changing my number pretty soon i hope.
not much people will be getting it cause i hope to be uncontactable.
probably a list of 5.

nothing lasts forever

i wished to be living on the greener lands.

fuck identity

fuck consideration

fuck tolerance

my presentation slides, hell load of things to be done.

my supervisor is back

i'm sorry

2010-02-10T09:57:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry.

mum always

2010-02-07T22:40:00.003+08:00

she always says.......................................
i don't have a boyfriend because i'm too........... man.
hahahaha. actually, she meant, i'm too coarse.
ahhh. whatever.
this is called frankness

i swear my cousin has gotten so skinny.
OMG HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU DO IT!!!!
irritating.
shit lah.
today go walk with him until.....i got scolded............gahhhhhhh
now i have to rush all my stuffs.
WHY AM I STILL HERE?!

report makes me drowsy

2010-02-07T01:45:00.000+08:00

i'm waiting for macdonalds man.....................................
i'm in deep shit,
mon need to hand in my presentation draft
wed have presentation in company
i need to send my report 2nd draft to my supervisor this weekend. ok, i'll send it hopefully latests by the afternoon.
later in the afternoon still need to go zouk take tickets.
WAHHH

whenever i start on my report.
i want to sleep, and side track.
great.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz reportzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Seeing is believing

2010-02-05T13:49:00.001+08:00

I looked at my food.

Believed that it will be nice and stop my hunger to give me happiness.

And yes, it did!

Ok.

I'm damn shit lame right now.

I guess it's what you called after lunch syndrome

sports bra

2010-02-04T23:00:00.000+08:00

i feel so fucking flat-chested while wearing a sports bra.
and it's... kinda suffocating.
but i think it's damn sexy

It has become a habit

2010-02-01T09:47:00.000+08:00

you'll have to curb it.
you'll have to stop it.
the habit probably became a part of my life.
maybe it just became within a few days.
hell yeah.
i've gotta stop all these shit.

2010-01-25T13:36:00.001+08:00

I’ve been procrastinating all day long

I sit on the chair, I lie on my bed

There’s something for me to do

Yet my mind is blank.

I know I have to rush my things out now

My hand’s on the mouse, and It’s running it round

I can’t get things done

Though the clock’s ticking now.

The world has too much distractions,

I guess I just have too much obsession

There’s something tingling within me

Wait…….

Why am I still not doing it yet?....

Oh please, let my mind focus

Let me be focus, I gotta hand things up at the end of the day

My deadline is today,

I am just so dead.

Why am I still in this state.

I’m crapped-

So crapped-

my favourite procrastinator song by crowd lu

2010-01-24T22:55:00.001+08:00

YES I AM PROCRASTINATING RIGHT NOW

i'm addicted.....

2010-01-23T09:39:00.005+08:00

i'm having a bad throat infection or sore throat.

guess i'm losing my voice soon.

and i just wanna say.

I'M ADDICTED IN BUYING ALBUMS OH GAWD.

and i want my half pay..... ahhh.

i'm freaking bored.

2010-01-22T15:48:00.000+08:00

right now.
i'm in no shit mood to do my things at all.
oh gawd save me.

i'm SUPER BORED OUT SHIT AND IT'S FREAKING FRIDAY MANNNN
and i have to hand in my 1st draft on monday. oh great.
i'm like working very hard to look very hardworking right now.
great

report really sucks

2010-01-17T17:04:00.002+08:00

report sucks.
report sucks.

report sucks.

2010-01-14T21:25:00.000+08:00

i'm sad,
there's no one out there.
i cry,
no where people will know.
i laugh,
that's where i put on a show.

things rummage through this bloody mind.
cry, die, cut and vent.
i may seem like i'm crazy
i may seem like i'm mad.
probably it's really the limit, where i can go all the way out there.

people just don't understand
people just don't care
people only cry when you are dead.

the blade touched the skin
it slit across the pain
no blood ooze out
it didn't stop my ache.

i'm mentally exhausted.
i'm mentally unwell.
do i really need to see what you call a mental doctor.

i'm sad
i cry
no people
thank you.

i feel stifled

2010-01-11T22:01:00.001+08:00

i have to mention it again.

i'm sorry.

i really can't stand people who doesn't have any manners.

i'm not sure if it's YOUR BLOODY personality or BULLSHIT character.

but believe me.

i just hope to end my attachment quick.

resume back to my very very normalized life.

and yes.

i very very much would like to shout FUCK YOUR MANNERS on graduation day and an additional YOU SUCK.

hahahahahahaha.

i swear.. people with no manners, or those who think that they are bloody big and all... you guys are making me pissed. Cause, firstly.. i doubt they take any initiative..... they wait for people to offer to them then they think they are bloody gracious to grace their presence onto you.

yahhh rightt.

i'll spit on you damnnit.

what kind of a bullshit character you have. bloody hell.

i guess... we should all just shout "fuck you" to the person you dislike on graduation day.

this would make it bloody memorable.

so when people asked you..

"so.. how's poly life last time?"

"ooohhh great. the feeling was definitely awesome when i shouted fuck you to the person i didn't like on graduation!"

ok. back to life.

shiat... i've been touching more guitar than violin these days.

gawd kill me.

i need my inspiration....

(he went off to the army -..-)

Office, work and play

2010-01-04T15:35:00.001+08:00

Life right now is such a bore

Routine work is not what I adore

Time is ticking every now and then

I feel like I wasted tones of cells a day

Kill me right now if this had to go on

Mama how I wish I weren't born

I hit the fantasies

I hit the bed

I just want to hit the end of the day

With an estimate of 50 over days

But It seemed so far away

Mushrooms, fungi filled my head

When will all these go away

Report writing gave me a headache

Ahhhhh~

Hit me with every bad day

Hi sunday!

2010-01-03T21:45:00.000+08:00

Sleep 12 hours per day recharges my life for the next week.
looking forward to graduation.
but definitely not the report and the presentation.
And start of a new life in both working and studying.

Hi 2010!

2010-01-02T02:14:00.000+08:00

i had my countdown and dinner at my cousin's house

TODAY!. or rather just now.
I met a VERY NICE UNCLE
:D :D :D
I'm suppppperrr grateful to the bus uncle man.
i was chasing for my last bus while i over-walked my bus stop.
hahahah.
took bus 51, then i quickly alighted cause 63 was in front of 51.
then ran towards the bus... the bus ran away -..-
The very nice uncle honked me, calling me to get back to the bus.
" if you want to chase the bus, tell me ma... i help you"
SUPER GOOD RIGHT :D
i was supppppeeerr ssuuuuppppeeerr grateful and keep saying thank you man.
he cut the lane, then cut the bus then 63 was behind us!!!.
thank you so much Bus 51 uncle !!!!

a great start off for 2010!

i didn't make it

2009-12-29T22:54:00.000+08:00

i didn't make it for the top 40 in the audition.
nevermind.
it's a nice experience, a good try out for me.
i'll just keep trying hehe.

i realised.
when everything has changed, has changed.
when stone hit stone.
they never agree with each other.
i swear in many years in my life, this year sucked REALLY BADLY
probably i still have many "sucked shit" years to go on.
but i really hate 2009.
i've never hate things as much as this.

i came across ridiculous people. (i bet there are more to come)
i began to lose patience in what i believe.
i realised, actually i'm kinda alone.
as usual, i shouldn't be thinking much.

in 2007, i realised what shit your relatives can do to you.
in 2009, i started the shit year off. unable to contact my friend at the very last minute of countdown. i saw the bitch that was hiding, and was already warned by others in 2008. i held on to my belief. And thank you very much. you broke it.
in 2009, i saw how stubborn i could get, how adamant i could be. how much mental distress i went through.. all the sudden cries, the sudden anger, the sudden laughter. how i regret choosing the course and wasting 3 years into all this shit. how people's true colours show during this 6 months. how i would be happier if i just tolerate and ignore some minor shit would make the world happier. how i really felt the word alone. how i understand the word family. how i wished to throw away everything to start anew somewhere.

AWESOME TOTALLY.

2009-12-27T22:02:00.001+08:00

i can't help it to say how awesome it is.
but seriously, he's a very nice and funny guy.

and i can't help it but laugh at the fact that he got a cold cause he went out the bathroom naked when bathing halfway, cause he forgot to take the facial wash.

hahahahaha.
the live performance was VERY AWESOME, like cd recorded.
just that there were some slight off tunes cause of his nose.
but nevermind.
i'm a happy person already!
what's more than to see a person up close and a handshake.
WWOOTS :D

no matter what,
he's still a big inspirational figure to keep me get my violin going,
and hitting on my musical interest for the future, with what i wanna do and all.

i'm gonna be alone, dependent and drift away now. i hope.

2009-12-27T00:55:00.000+08:00

i swear all the people who are not picking up my phone calls, not replying my sms or on msn are making me really pissed.
I SWEAR.

I'M SELFISH, i cannot stand it when during EMERGENCIES, people DOESN'T PICK UP THE BLOODY PHONE.
AND I SWEAR IT'S EVERYTIME. LITERALLY.
it's making me really pissed off to the fact that i'm really beginning to hate whatever you say friends and sorts.
i just can't stand it no more.

i'm sorry, but i really need another new life somewhere else.
OUT OF HERE GAWD DAMNNIT.

and finally, i'll end off with.
I HATE YOU PEOPLE WHO DOESN'T REPLY, ANSWER AND WHATSOEVER.
I'M CHILDISH THINKING THIS WAY. BUT I REALLY HATE IT DAMN!

fangirl-ing

2009-12-21T23:50:00.002+08:00

I WANT TO GO THE CONCERT
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i'm officially...

2009-12-15T23:14:00.001+08:00

FANGIRLING OMG

i can't help but get excited for EVAN'S SHOWCASE IN SG WOOTSS THOUSAND TIMESSS.
Meiling.. i'm dragging you with meeeeeee

27 dec 2pm at bugis junction auto session
I WANT TO GO HIS ST JAMES EVENT TOO WOOOOOTS

my brother is getting on my nerves, seriously.

2009-12-14T21:53:00.002+08:00

all his shit ass talking with some girl really got me irritated.
it IRKS the shit out of me when he just keeps hogging the bloody phone.
STOP IT MAN. GET A LIFE. IT'S JUST FUCKING IRRITATING.
are there seriously so much things to talk about EVERY SINGLE DAY.
i mean, come on. i'm not that unreasonable man.
but you see... he is talking on the bloody phone EVERYDAY.
you are a fucked up 22 yr old guy. will you just fucking grow up?
If you talk on the bloody phone for hours on your bloody cell phone.. and in your room.
i doubt i'll even care.
just don't make me see you talking everyday, you hide at the corner or whatever. I WON'T CARE.
BUT YOU SEEEEEE.
you are hogging the phone day and night.
hogging every space you have.. living room. parents' bedroom. ALMOST my room.
COME ON MAN. BE FUCKING SENSIBLE WILL YA?!
who the hell talks at 7.30AM IN THE MORNING. SITTING ON THE SOFA CHATTING AWAY?????
it's ridiculous man.
And like i've said.
if i managed to catch who is that girl... she gonna be in deep shit. i swear man.

ok. i might sound unreasonable like not allowing my brother to get a gf or etc.
but please be practical shit man.
he somewhat knew the girl online and all.
plus through those game shit.
come on man.
SERIOUSLY

he's really been getting on my nerves. SHIT.

----------------------------------------------------

ok, next.
this time. i'm sure. very very very very sure.
to get the silent violin from bras brasah, thought it's white):
i've yet to check out the one at synwin though..... confirm very expensive.
money money come come.
it's another lonely christmas........... gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

27 dec 2pm at bugis junction auto session

There must be something…

2009-12-14T15:06:00.002+08:00

It must be,

There must be,

Definitely something inside journal papers that always make me drowsy and want to sleep.

I'M SUREEEEE!

My negative mindset is coming back again.

What ifs… what ifs… this doesn't work out.

I'm like… future-less.

What ifsssss…. Is coming back to me again.

Argh.

I hate it.

Although telling me to go ahead what I should pursue and all.

But WHAT IFFFFFF,

Shit. My mother's words are ringing now.

I hate you what ifs.

27 dec 2pm at bugis junction auto session

Refine your mind

2009-12-13T22:30:00.001+08:00

Listen to soul music.
it's refreshing.
http://www.youtube.com/user/Airto#p/u/27/vQgdbFE6DJQ

i've yet to get my tickets for the small concert!!!
and i'm gonna rush out my fyp presentation right now ):
byeeeee~

one person's mood could change the day. you can make a difference by smiling :D

27 dec 2pm at bugis junction auto session
i'm gonna put this everytime i blog.
until it's over. hehehehehehhe :D

Just after that.

2009-12-11T10:54:00.001+08:00

After I've typed the previous post,

People started to reply me.

Ok.

I'm happy alr.

I hate those who don’t reply messages.

2009-12-11T10:05:00.001+08:00

I really hate ppl who don't reply my sms.

I really hate ppl who don't reply my pm on msn.

You guys suck.

YAY

2009-12-10T22:43:00.004+08:00

Every unhappy things disappeared with THIS!

27 dec 2pm at bugis junction auto session

i'm GOING!!! MEILING YOU BETTER ACCOMPANY MEEEEEEEE

i'm tired, exhausted and whateverrrr

2009-12-09T22:14:00.002+08:00

i'm dead tired everytime i finish my stuffs and all.
no energy. very tired out. *poof*

i'll be doing my update:

i had my auditions today.
and i saw hong junyang.
cute man, and a married man. hahahah.
i was trembling when i was inside, and hjy was almost my judge. hahahaha
but yeah. i'm actually quite contented with the performance, at least i got to sing till the chorus after the 2nd verse! HAHAHAHA.

and it seems like for some reason, i have the habit to argue on facebook.
but i'm really sorry. your statement just makes no sense at all.

i got my package from KOREA.
DOK2 rocks man.

It's even faster than my mum's spree package. hehehehe.

anyway, it's a nice album.

and the last song just kept me laughing because of tablo's deep breathe-in during rapping.

it's really funny. hahahaha.

ok. i'm going to bed.

byeeeeee

When blogging becomes your best friend.

2009-12-07T10:35:00.001+08:00

When no one is there for you,
when you are sitting in the office,
when you are at home alone,
when you need someone to talk to,
when you need to vent out your frustrations,
when you have a guy you like, but don't dare to confess,
when you wish to curse and swear, but doesn't want to spoil your image that people has of you,
when you wish to give wise words,
when you want to share happiness,
when you have homework piling up, and you wish to curse,
when you are nervous,
when you are bored. (especially for me right now)

blogging is your best friend.
you can curse, swear, type numerous of times,
but it will never retaliate. (accept for the fact that there will be many comments on the post)
it can even be closer than your boyfriend. (accept for the fact that, it doesn't provide hugs, sex, and kisses)
you will type feeling either: happy, sad, angry, neutral, sarcastic, excited, crazy, depressed, bored, ridiculous and more.

welcome to the new technological world.

nervous,
the audition is on wedneday. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
and i've not chose a song yet. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i'm really super bored.
great.

the one i wanted

2009-12-06T17:45:00.003+08:00

Evan, you are holding the kind of silent violin i wanted.

the only difference is that, the one i wanted was all black.

and yamaha is selling that for 1K over...

gonna check out synwin soon.

bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i want it toooooooooo!!!!!

my dok2 album arrived singapore!!.

yay. just that right now, it's being held up in the airport.

and i still need to wait until the postman settles everything and come over to my house.

it's fastttt.

VERYY.

YAY

i don't likeeeeee

2009-12-05T20:49:00.002+08:00

i don't like shifting
i don't like double stopping.
i don't likeeeeeeeeeeeee.
but i know it's good for me.

:(

and i realised.
even 1 hour of practising violin everyday isn't enough.
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

This explains it

2009-12-04T14:36:00.001+08:00

BORED

Try it out

2009-12-04T11:02:00.004+08:00

I found it some sort of awkward,
while reading some lecture notes about fungal infections,
and listening to mandarin music at the same time.
Probably because when you understand both languages and you do two things at the same time.
It just feels weird. Hahah.
And sometime even more amazing is that.. I only found it out now. -..-
I guess, most of the time, I wasn’t even studying at all. Hahahaha.

Christmas. Is. Coming.
I hope my dok2 album is coming before that.
Wooooots.
And film film film cameraaaaaaahhhhhh.
Ok damn random

2009-11-30T21:26:00.001+08:00

i'm in a semi-depressed state.
i can't believe no holidays for me is making me so fucking up depressed.
i can't believe it i thought about everything today.
i feel so fucked up with my mind now .
i'm really beginning to think that i might have a chance of going into depression. gawd.

i hate it, the feeling of being tied up.

2009-11-29T22:38:00.001+08:00

i hate it when they always say. "don't make me always worry about you"
i hate it when i can't reach home fucking late.
the feeling of being stifled tightly, really makes me wanna leave.
i know parents worry, but the thing is. there's a time to let me go.
i rather my parents be strict with me, with my education and all, then let me go when i hit twenties.
i hate the feeling of being tied up.
i hate the feeling of no freedom.
now, with everything brought up. i hate it when she denies everything in front of me.
you said to let me go for 1 to 2 years to work overseas.
you said so.
now you fucking don't admit all the fuck shit words you say.
i hate it.
i don't care anymore.
i'm going towards everything.
they always say, when the time is ripe, i'll let you go.
but in their eyes, you'll always be kids.
so when is the time?
when i hit 30?.
i'm young, i try, i fall, and i pick up.
i'm wild, i explore and i go.
i don't want to do things when i hit 30.
even 26 is too old.
hi overseas working.
i'm looking towards you.

they always say, don't make me worry about you when you are overseas.
sometimes, this kind of words.. makes me wanna jump off a building.
to prove it wrong that even living in the same country.. there are things to worry about.
this somewhat makes me think that they are not letting me go.
no freedom= let me just die.
i hate it to the core, when you deny all the fucking words you said from your mouth.
i hate it. abhor it. very very fucking much.

i don't know why. but life's has not been exciting at all.

2009-11-29T00:59:00.000+08:00

there seems to be no colour in my life these days.
i'm just mood less. The habit of talking to myself is back, and it's major talking and imagining.
gawd, i must be crazy.

I saw the silent violin that was on display on Yamaha on Thursday.
it freaking cost over 1k. i still remember seeing it on display long time ago on sports ranking there for $180. DAMN.
Saw my school, and talked to my music teacher about it and i'm still waiting for their email reply.

Chen meiling will be back this morning. (right now is sunday).
and i'm still deciding when i should go for the audition. (Ying ruiiiiii help meeee. )

and i'm just kinda feeling mood less with everyone around me is getting attached.
now i know what Kevin means.
yes, typically everyone around me....
argh. i feel so sad life now. haha.

and there are somethings i really want to say how much i hate these things, it's been getting on my nerves and i think my pms is coming.
i really hate it when:
1) people doesn't reply my sms. Especially when i have ? and i have no replies. gawd. i really hate it.
2) people throw tantrum on me. i know i did that to my brother, but i can't help it. i was really having serious mood swing. i was even crying in the office. But i hate it to the fact that i was being wronged on a minor basis. it's just simply ridiculous. And people venting it out on public things.
3) people snap directly on my face. i mean come on. Do you really have to do it? it's just kinda rude to the person. Unless you really dislike the person. but i don't believe i offended you in anyway, and i don't think i deserve those kind of treatment.
4) people are always not around for me.
i do joke and fool around. but for serious matters like heart-to-heart talk. i don't have much. my social circle is small, and i can't expect everyone to make time for me. But sometimes, i just can't believe that ALWAYS in times of emergency. no one is there. this really makes my life damn pathetic.
5) people has no manners. Seriously, this really makes me think twice about your upbringing. i'm not blaming the parents or anything. i think people should have some sense of responsibility over themselves. School don't teach you this way don't cha? Are you big enough to think about it?
6) people complain you about the most minor thing ever. This is downright ridiculous. It really just makes me feel that people have tonnes of time to waste in their life. If you are a Singaporean, great you are really making the nation proud. If you are a foreigner/PR or what-so-ever, thank you for being such a FINE resident. i think you guys should really get a life. It really makes me think that those people have too much time on their hands. And if you could, spend that amount of time cleaning up your ass cleanly, i bet you wouldn't have E.coli infection.

mood less with rantings. this is contradiction.
life is sleep. and you sleep to be lifeless.

what life is now.

2009-11-24T21:31:00.000+08:00

Had my day in SMU, laughed about the presenter's pronunciation with my supervisor.
Felt super disappointed that the black silent violin i saw last time will never be back again.
Searched for violin books, but couldn't find any on the shelf.. but it was on the display. But i still can't find it on the shelf.
Bought 2 albums at a go, and with the person giving me a lot of trash. i think i should have just resisted him in giving me the free gift (it was a CD/DVD/VCD folder thing). cause i have tonnes at home. I SHOULD HAVE DONE SOO AHHHH.

my life these days are like........
morning, wake up go to work.
end work, go home eat dinner.
after dinner, practice violin, surf net.
i'll try to jog 3 times per week.
and sleep.

i feel damn lifeless.

gawd. i need to stop looking at the pathetic amount of money in the bank thinking that it's a lot and spend it. OH GAWD KILL MY TEMPTATION TO SPEND MONEYYYYYYY

kids are cute. life growing up

2009-11-12T11:22:00.001+08:00

this is cute!

Making life interesting at 19?
i think i'm a bit slow.
will life at 20 be it's best?
and will the life after that be good?
hit me will overseas working?
it's always the shit financials that is making me worried.
mother says she'll let me be, partly i think she knew that she couldn't stop me. hahaha.
the other part, is probably to really let me try how damn difficult it is to be working overseas.
living on your own, paying all expenses, send money home, all housework and laundry... ahhhhh.
and lastly, to miss home. probably to have my own taste of it.. how lucky how we are now.

the problem about adulthood is.. i think the major problem about it is..

TAX
you go everywhere, they tax.
you buy things, they tax.
you work, they tax.
you drive car, they tax.
you drive on road, they also tax.
why so many things to tax.........

next few years... where will life be at?
haha. probably... a sudden change of decision and stick myself to sg??
sometimes, i kinda regret that i didn't study harder during poly.
whenever my friends say, they are studying.. it just probably hit me with a tinge of regretfulness?
i don't want motivation to hit me when i'm old.
i'm old enough already ):

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
why do we have to think so much in life?

it was things that inspired us.

2009-11-05T00:00:00.001+08:00

what was the thing that inspired what you wanted to be in the future?
who was the one?
and no, i'm not going into EBM.. haha.
they have inspirational leaders.
but instead. i think. small little things can also have as much power to inspire everyone.

on mon, i FINALLY met van. ahhaha. came with val to my house and celebrated my birthday.
thank you so much. i wasn't happy not eating a chocolate cake! and they brought one over!!.hahahaha.
blowed candles and the super soft birthday song. (cause my mum was sleeping). AND YAH. i even lighted the candle.. cause they don't use lighter.

i realised, actually little things can make people smile. a lot.
we talked about our future. what we want to do and all sorts.
seriously, i think,
if i have never taken part the competition in sec 1.
if i never stepped into the studio for recording
if i never suggested the competition to them.
if i have never read reader-digest (thank god i liked to read that during school days)
what will happen?.
during secondary school days, i imagined to be a scientist, and a music engineer.
i quarreled with my parents over what i want to study.
in the end, ended up in science. (my stupid marks doesn't allow me go SP take DMAT)

yr one was --> regret. i feel like dropping out. but hope the interest will slowly grow.
yr two was --> omg, i'll die inside here. but now drop out, very wasted.
yr three now --> i'll finish this dip, then start off another one.

many people say i wasted a lot of time.
but hey, can you help it?.
you try having both hands tied up at your financials, then you'll realise the problem.
money. is really a BIG problem.
if i had money, i could go overseas already.
i could even have gotten a degree at this point of time. haha.

sighs.
the best thing now is.
i hope all these works well.
everything gotta be smooth.
i can't regret on the things i set myself to do.
time is running out.
i bet i need a lot of inspirational stories to keep me going on next year.

separate matter: join the thing, or not to join.

going back.

2009-11-01T22:44:00.002+08:00

yesterday my brother's friend scared the shit out of me man.

i went to the toilet i saw this first. ( at first i thought he was my mother okay, cause he's around my mum's height)

he then saw me, and turn around.. i freaked out man.

sia la, then my brother walked in,

i said " sia la, i thought how come your friend got problem come my house sia?!"

both of them laughed.

me " later you get caught by police downstairs i laugh. hahahah"

haha. stupid people come my house do stupid thing sia. scared me out mann.

and yeah, he somewhat warned/reminded me about sheesha-ing

.. and my brother threatened me to stop, or else.... my parents will know about it.

and yeah... i'm stopping sheesha man. and cutting down on alcohol.

back to being good. and shit.. i'm having gastric problems now.. ok damn.

it sucks not able to eat much and wanting to puke some out and with the stomach hurting now and then.

greattt. ..... damnn.

It's amazing how the amount of people are quitting coastes.

managers, get your asses straighten up man. you and your fucked up management.

just go reflect about it. MANN.

me

2009-10-31T23:09:00.001+08:00

i'm tired being me.
i got scolded for going home late.
i got scolded for staying in the room whole day.
what the fuck do you want me to do.

if communicating with the world was that difficult.
i think living alone is fine.
right now, i'm like being a typical teenager, blaming the hell loads of problems to the world.
i fucking hate it.
fucking hate it when i think too much about things.
tooo much that i think i could go crazy anytime.
sometimes, just fuck everything.

sometimes, life just hits you, at the point that, you feel being ignored, having no one to talk to, that you feel better off dead. i really think so.
i feel so much like.. a typical emo teenager right now. oh damn.

hi rainy days.

2009-10-31T17:40:00.000+08:00

great. the rainy season is coming.
i bet many mothers don't understand PMS and mood swings.
i swear. she knew nothing about.
oh gawd.
life sucks.
but life re-news in my room.
how i wish i could live life in my room.
and yeah. everything is making me depressed. very.
typically everything.

cause. no one understands.

gawd damnit

2009-10-29T21:45:00.001+08:00

It will suck to be an adult.

great.. i guess my week is ruined.

gotta find a job man.

a jobbbb. a part time job.

and my weekend will be ruined.

great damnit.

i'll be working a 7days week.

parents, i'm even more hard working man.

2009-10-26T23:56:00.002+08:00

bragging about yourself and putting others down does not make you seem great.

thinking highly of yourself and always thinking about it, makes me think about stupidity.

being naive and even being stubborn about it, annoys me.

always making the stupid "cek cek cek" sound is seriously irritating.

are you trying to get attention??.

i don't know what's wrong with you with trying to say something so bad about your friends.

scoring a good gpa doesn't always means that you are clever.

and if you are really clever.. 3.2 doesn't prove you to be a smartass either.

sorry, you seriously annoy the shit out of me.

and who the hell didn't think about WHAT IFS???

what if you didn't managed to get the scholarship??

this kind of thing, no need to argue. i win already man.

so naive.. and so stubborn about it.

dumbass.

my regular slacked sunday.

2009-10-25T21:36:00.002+08:00

Went to visit my uncle just now.

i found it a bit weird.

his actions are weird.

cause the actions are somewhat slow, and "dai dai"

and till i asked my mum, she suspects that he probably got a minor stroke.

she noticed his mouth actions.. the way.

if, that's what to be old.

if that's what to be an adult.

if that's what life is about.

i think that's why adults want to go back to their kid life.

i think i've taken an interest in studying about plants.

my mum replied me " why do you like to study those super isolated things??!"

my dad replied her "hey, that thing is good okay! very helpful"

me " i can work under government based jobs"

my mum " oh, then go study that."

me " nahh, i think i continue my music. hahaha"

my mum " you consider properly ahh, don't waste your time alr"

me " yeah, plan finished alr. "

god bless me next year. a very busy next year.

commenting on this post. Men are unnecessary creatures

2009-10-20T23:30:00.003+08:00

yeah. just wanna comment on what meiling wrote on her post. and yeah. here i go.
this statement, probably some of you will agree with it. and some of you don't. wellll.. just hear me out man.
Men are unnecessary creatures
you'll say that if - your father is a fucking gambler, fucks woman, drink some fucking beer or hard liquor every now and then. - you boyfriend is a bitch. Plays with girls, fuck them and all. - your brother is an asshole. bullies you, abuse you. -your father, brother, bf are useless people. you need to support them for shelter, food.
sometimes, i don't get what's with the world. but in contradiction, i don't blame some people. cause they are born like that. i mean, can you blame a transvestite why he changed to be a girl?. no right. can you blame people that has 2 sexual organs?can you blame people that has more male hormones than females?
no right???
i know it's free world right now. we have bisexuality, homosexuality, metrosexuality and all. i believe if one starts behaving weird during their period of growing up. YES, i believe and accept for who he or she is.
but if what wavers you off is because you think it's cool, or your surrounding friends are becoming this way. i'll just say " get a life, why are you following the fucking trend". i mean, it's not as if you're buying clothes right???

i mean, with those few guys you hang around that are pretty useless or some sort.. you can't define the whole world of guys being this way right?they are immature, but come on man.. give those dudes a little time. they need more time than us to grow up. who haven been childish before? you haven been insensible before?i mean, there MUST have been at least a GOOD side to this guy right?
why put them on the death trial?
talking about childishness. on the contrary, picture this. you had a bf before this and he ditches you for whatever hell reason. then you got together with a girl. then you and your gf breaks up for whatever hell reason i don't think i'll know. then you hate this girl like crazy. you say they're useless, they break my heart and etc.
end result: might as well you hate both sexes and just kill yourself cause you're one of that sex.???i mean... who's the childish one here? ok, i know it somewhat doesn't make sense. but... that's how the things that is happening with ppl these days.. especially secondary school man .
and yeah. i have my exceptions one okay. why some i can somewhat understand and why some i serious don't get the way through it. cause sometimes, it's the family background, and your family surroundings that make things go this way. but some.... i literally cannot find a way through it. (through your mind)

if you really one to get guys out of your life. Get your dad out of your life then, stop all the allowances and all the crap. you'll freaking impress me this way

well, i guess that's how it is.just think about it.
and oh yeah. alot of f*s is because.. i feel like i have lost myself and losing communication with ppl during life in fyp. i want to rant and hell loads of shit about MRT and ppl especially. ahhh gawd.

2009-10-15T11:26:00.001+08:00

hear the days
feel the ways
I see you here
in a daze

kill the waves
hit the base
listen to me
it ain't just a waste

running there in backyards
I'm singing towards this loniness of mine.
the wind is blowing
hit the windchime
let the music be alive

may i..
run into your mind
may i..
put you in my life
or should i..
just waste my time
or should i..
just harden this heart of mine

sitting in the office rotting

2009-10-15T11:13:00.001+08:00

if this is what adult life is like... I bet it'll suck the entire whole of my life.

we are like... working machines. seriously.

I need to get a life seriously.
I'm not finding all this shit enjoyable. ok. probably sometimes...

but all the conversations about science makes me sick of listening about it.

why the world am I stuck in this damn place man.

reviving back with a song

2009-10-05T23:28:00.003+08:00

breathe -

guess what song is this.

damn reminiscence